Leo Tolstoy personal diary

Leo diary

In his diary Leo defines his numerous weaknesses. Going through the records, he summarizes his past and values it ruthlessly and critically.

“Let us see what is my personality.

I am ugly awkward, uncleanly, and, in the worldly sense, uneducated;

I am irritable, a bore to others, rude, intolerant, and as bashful as a child.

I am almost completely ignorant. What I do know I have learned anyhow, independently, by snatches, incoherently, in a disorderly way, and all comes to so little.

I am self-indulgent, irresolute, inconstant, stupidly vain and hot-headed, as are all people with a weak character.

I am not brave,

I am not methodical in my life, and am so lazy that for me idleness has become almost a necessary habit.

I am intelligent, but my intelligence has not yet been thoroughly tried on anything. I have neigher a practical nor a worldly nor a business intelligence.

I am honest, i.e., I love what is right, have got myself into the habit of loving it; and when I deviate from it I am dissatisfied with myself, and return to it with pleasure; but there are things I like more than what is right — fame. I am so vain, and so little has this feeling been gratified that often I am afraid lest, between fame and virtue, I might, if the choice were given me, choose the former.

Yes, I am arrogant, because I am inwardly proud, though I am shy in society.”

 

 

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